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Published on March 11th, 2013 | by Jason Goldberg

How To Be A Better Leader…In Bed…Kinda

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Hey all you Creatives and Creators, This is Jason Goldberg and You are watching MEometry TVTHE place to be to yearn more, learn more and earn more from your life and business!

Okay so first of all I hate to disappoint everybody but this video is not going to be nearly as salacious as the introduction made it seem. Yes we will be talking about leadership and yes we will be talking about beds but you won’t need the kids to put on ear muffs if you are listening to this in the living room.

Lets think about mattresses for a second.  There are really 3 kinds of mattresses that we see nowadays, firm, soft and of course the revolutionary memory foam varieties.  I’m gonna leave waterbeds out of this since the 80’s are a decade best left to nostalgia in other forms.

Though this post is about leadership, all of these concepts can really apply to any relationships.  Customers, Spouses, children, students, co-workers etc.  As I talk about these, think about which one best describes you and be honest…

The “Firm” Mattress Leader:
We all know this type; command and control; results, results, results!  This person typically has authority based on their role or title or the experience they have.  “Inspiration” and “engagement” may seem like 4 letter words because they are the boss, they make (or enforce) the rules and essentially, you are supposed to fall in line.  They may care less about what motivates YOU and more about getting things done.  Sounds like a dictator huh?  Well this style is not all bad.  They say, what gets measured gets done and for any business to be successful, someone has to be accountable to make sure the goals for the company, whatever they are, are being achieved.  If we didn’t have “Firm” leaders, some companies would just flail around like the inflatable tube guy at the used car dealerships never knowing where they stand in relation to their goals.

Bottom-Line: This leader may earn respect but not trust.  The focus here is on results first and relationships second.

The “Soft” Mattress Leader:
This is the best bud boss; personable, supportive, collaborative.  The boss you invite to your party because you want to, not because you have to.  You can tell them all of your problems they will do anything in their power to help you solve your issues, whether they are personal or professional.  Some call this “touchy-feely” leadership (something that makes the “Firm” leader shudder), and it can be if taken to an extreme.  Often times the “Soft” leader is so concerned with being liked that they will make popular decisions instead of the right decision, they shy away from conflict and healthy debate and may stunt their employees growth by not giving constructive feedback.  They also may not be great at accepting constructive feedback because they feel it’s a personal attack instead of an opportunity to improve.  This person is highly developed in people skills like empathy and is a major asset to any business.

Bottom-Line: This leader may earn trust but not respect.  The focus here is on relationships first and results second.

Just imagine what happens when one of these types works for the other

The “Memory Foam” Mattress Leader:
And last but certainly not least, the memory foam leader.  This one is a bit trickier.  For those of you who have never been up at 3am to see the ridiculous examples of glasses of red wine balancing on the edge of the bed, let me explain a bit.  I think back to these infomercials and remember the well-groomed hand being pushed down into the bed and the fully-formed handprint being left behind when the hand was removed.   It was clear that the intention when pressing down on the bed was to make a handprint and the impact left behind matched up perfectly; no confusion there.

That’s where the concept for the memory foam leader was born.  They focus on their impact so everyone is clear on direction and expectations but also knowing that the support is there for them when and if they need it.  How do they do that?  Well, they are keenly self-aware and focus on clear communication, engagement and building genuinely strong relationships with everyone they encounter.

They aim to remove ambiguity and uncertainty, to build trust in order to delegate instead of dictate and to strengthen bonds without sacrificing achievement of the goals at hand.  In fact, if executed properly, connections are strengthened and outcomes are improved as a result of this style.

But it’s not all drum circles and high-fives.  The proverbial handprint will eventually disappear.  The key is to continually and authentically remind people of their message and the impact they desired to create.  That impression may have at one time been so clear (like when the hand is first pressed down on the mattress) but overtime has been forgotten or is no longer front of mind (like when the handprint fills in and the mattress returns to a flat surface).

Bottom-Line: This leader earns trust AND respect.  The focus here is on results and relationships simultaneously. 

So here is the rub; leadership, like mattresses, is NOT one size fits all.  Even though the “Memory Foam” leader may seem to be your best bet, this is not always the case.  In reality, situational leadership is what everyone should learn, ensuring that you have all of these styles at your disposal as the situation dictates.

Now that you are a mattress / leadership expect, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Which of these styles come naturally to you ; which do you use primarily?
  2. Which of these styles seem foreign, awkward or completely out of your comfort zone?
  3. How would your life or business change for the better if you were able to incorporate the styles that you identified in number 2?

Try to inject a little bit of the styles you listed in number 2 daily in your relationships.  Maybe the means privately acknowledging the extra effort that someone has been putting in lately, engaging in healthy conflict or debate to get better results from a project, or delivering a message with charisma and conviction during a staff meeting.  Any step you take in developing your lesser used styles is a step towards you being an even better leader.

As you know, we yearn, learn and earn exponentially more when we share our gifts with each other.  I want to hear from you, so leave a comment below to tell me what you think about these styles and what works best for you.  If you loved this video, please subscribe to our youtube channel be sure to share it with your friends.  Also, don’t forget to head over to MEometry.com to sign up for exclusive email updates and to get insights that I only share with my most engaged peeps!

Remember that you and your gifts are extraordinary and exceptional.

Be You, Do You, and Love You because you know there is only one OF you!

See you next time on MEometryTV

Authentically Yours,

Jason Goldberg

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About the Author

What does an award-winning serial entrepreneur, a network engineer, a former rapper (who opened for the Wu-Tang Clan), and a previously 332lb man have in common? They are all the same guy! “JG” has helped inspire and empower entrepreneurs and small business owners via executive, life and business coaching. He has also worked with the likes of NASA, Wyndham Vacation Ownership and Northrop Grumman.

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